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    August 21

    说梦

     
    一次见她,脸庞还是清瘦秀丽,还唤我乳名;大山还是碧绿,小河水仍是清冽。我在上空飞翔,见村庄依然宁静,小屋依然静默,惟有她,不肯承认自己。
    还有一次,她容貌似十几岁姑娘般俏丽,陪我玩耍。离别时抱紧了她不肯放走。她笑着说:十八再来。(醒来随兴翻看日历,却是农历十八)
    昨夜梦里又见她。那椭圆桌子的边缘像是方块拼成,边缘在滚动,我们和其他人都在桌边游移。另有些噩梦情节。她在身边陪我。这次分离,我仍不舍,却见她冰冷下脸说:怎么就不让我放心走?
    ……
     
    就这样,一直以来,外婆总是会走进梦境。
     
     
    如果弗洛伊德在世,也许会将这些梦境解释为我对自我的发问和垂询。 
    现在看风看雨,漫步草地或是凝视河水,总会想到,有一天,一切终归要返回自然:成为脚下的一块土地,让花朵小草芬芳和成长;成为河边的一撮淤泥,肥育鱼儿和莲藕。生命和生命,生命和死亡,变成彼此存在却又没有绝然间隔的空间。也许因为这样,认为自己已经释然。思念似乎已化成一缕平时捉摸不到的丝线。它却总在最不自知的时刻里,悄悄走近。
     
     
     
     
     

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    rachel yangwrote:
    拥抱你
    Aug. 21

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